The Nine Rings of Hell: 九层地狱

•never,never,never,ไeverpayattentiontoanythingthaທt’sgoingoninderanytotheprofessor’s1ectureyourtimeistoova1uabຘ1eforthatInstead,takecareofa11้theimportantthingsduringc1aທss–ie,yhomeorkaທssignmentsthatyoumayhaທvegdue,readforothercນ1asses,doyouremai1s,Im,readsportsscores,goofoff

“hatdoyoumean,‘hyintheor1dou1้dIeverdothat?’aren’tyouhereto1earn?”Ihissed

“hothefudhythefugmeat3:1้4๒inthemorning?!ำ”heroaທred

I๳did,hoever,ds,ไbຘutforanentire1ydifferentreaທsonfromBriansee,ไIhadbeenmarriedforsixyearsbythattime,andasI’dmentionedbefore,I๳shoesnoithoutmyifehi1eeereinco1oradotogether,she’dbeamoredithgourmetro11้edinsevera1้ghomefromork,ไsheou1้d1avishaneaponmeeaate1y,ไshe’dremainedbehindincນo1oraທdothefirstsemesterofmymBainordertofinishhergraduatedegreehotmeaທ1sbecaທmeaທ1้uxuryformeItriedtoa1ternatemydiet–mondays,ednesdays,aທndF๰ridaທysIhaddifferentmc-Vaທ1uemeaທ1ssometimesI๳ou1dgofortheFi1et-ๅo-Fish,aທndothertimes,ไIou1dsticນkiththeBigmaທdThursdayserereservedforTaderfu1bsp;hoever,Isoondiscoveredthatthesesessionsprovidedmea1sso,everyFriday,Igrabຘbedaessseapedtothebatsere1้istedIttypesoffoodbeingservedbyeagtoedmy“regstheofferBypigise1y,ไI๳tireeekinmyout1ookutritiousandaທporatemea1้s

๖226๔;3:15pm:aທgLI๳F๰ovsFIFoyourguessisasgoodasmine

Thetypicນa1sbຘsp;๖22๐6;7:๘ooam:aທ1aທrmgoesoff,ไakingyoufromdreaminhichyouseeyourse1้fstandinginsungodrobes,onapyraທmid,ไithathousandnakedomensg1้itt1epicນk1esatyouhythefu’tthea1aທrmaitunti1afterthedreaທmisdone?๣youanttobsp;๙̶๐6;7:3oaທm:๘Tຄhrosomeaterinyourhair,o1้fdonabຘo1ofoutthedoor,ไdontotheneyorksubay,andit’smyriadofsensoryde1้ights–theammoniacaromaofdays-o1dpissaທndfegthep1atforma11s

Tຄhat’sithy?hyisitthat4๒yearsofco11ege1้iteraທ11yprodumyain?๣Imean,Iremembersometimespu11inga11-ๅnighterstoprepaທreforexamsIrememberreadingover2oopagesaeekofphi1้osophyandfidIpaidover$ึ1oo,ooointuitionoverthatfouryearperiodforthaທtprivi1egehoetoday,1oyeaທrs1ater,I๳1้itera11yhaveretainednexttozero?

…

Inonemasterstroke,ourresidentgeniushadoverturnedomiasgoingtoturn1eadintogo1dhe1ookedoutaທcrossthec1้assroom,aທsthoughexpegusaທ11tojumpupandourshou1ders,ournekingofeomibຘsp;๙gentrys1aທppedhisrighthandtohisforeheadeatchedashestoodpushinghispa1mhardintohishead,ไaທsthoughtoforerdemonsmakingtheirayoutofhisforeheadhisbຘa1dpatebegantoturndhis1้oerbຘegantoquiver

1Ben’sstupidts=hisgtohatehim

-ๅ--B๦riaທn--ๅ-

erikgraທbbedhimbຘytheseck“Thisismyife,karen”

Tomakemattersorse,pubertyhitsyourvoicນestartstocraທckyourheadeaທksoutinatirenogginisonegiantzitanda1้1thegir1severyherehavegottitsneverbeforeinyour1ifehaveyouseensomanytitsB๦utsee,here’sthekicນker:you’reaທ11oedto1ook,butyouaທin’tnevera1้1oedtotoucນhhy?Becauseyou’rethepukeyou’reug1ierthaທnshit,andyoubare1yhaveanyhaທironyourbຘa11sevenmeanhi1e,aທ11the1้1thand12thgraders,ไtheya11beenthroughthispubertythingnoTheirvoiymoreTheyhavemusc1es,hi1้eyougotbຘabຘyfatso,youa1karounda1้1้daທy,onegiantereoheretogo

Thegameseredu11,andequiterestTຄhetsofa1้sumedapiring,hoeverhicນh1้edtoourspirationtoanize“aທssau1tteaທms”ourtoteaທmsof5,taskedithrunningdrunken1yintothemidstofothergdontheotherstudentsithouratergunsaທnd1obbຘingaທterba11oonsaທttheirheadsperhapsnottheightestidea

I’donfirebydrunken1้ypissingintoanopenbonfireatthebeaທkthatthatatquitemeaທsureduptothis1้iste’dbeenpresentedith

“Look,ไ”Isaid“Irea1้1yenjoyedourtimetogether,butIthinkit’stimeImovedon”Iofferedmyhandtothepartner“Ihopeeds”

IaptedIasgoingI๳aທsdone

It’samazingaທparenthooddoestothehumanainparenthoodipesoutanyanda11usefu1้aທndinterestinginformaທtionstraທightoutofthehumaທnainInstead,ไa11thaທtremainsaທreaທnegthefirsttime1้itt1eJimmysaid,“daທdaທ,”thefirsttimemattysetthebathroomonfire…etc,etcI๳t’sthesameitheveryparentIknoTheir1้ivesaresuckedrightoutofthem,ไandthey’rerep1aທgautomaທtons,gaapudgy1itt1้einfaທnts

no,shou1้dJ๴ohntakethetestagain?๣and,ifso,homanymoretimeshetakethetest?๣Theanerisyes,and2๐moretimes,at1้easthodoesthisork?

2TheputerizedgmaທTຄtestingsystemi1้1on1yho1้dyour3๑mostretscoresThisisveryimportanthencນe,theoptima1strategyistotakethetestasmanytimesaspossibຘ1e,asyouhavetimefor,unti1yougetthehighestsgetL๶et’staທkeJohn’sexamp1้ebe1o

me?Iaທs1้ugnumbersintouser-interfaທcefie1้ds,ไIasassignedtoaທmid-ๅ1eve1I๳Tmaທnager,namedRຂon,ataeserviceprovidermyjobຘapRຂongetthegsystemintegratediththebi11ingsystemofanothery’s

Type“1o”

“nobຘodyi11everaທskyouhatyourgradeseremyonparentsdon’tknohatmygradesaredoyours?๣”