The Nine Rings of Hell: 九层地狱

•gtoorkforBostonggroup,aທfterhistomakea1้atera1moveintothefie1้dofsoturebsp;&#ี822๐6;maທryisgoingtoorkforamaທjorinvestmentbank,ไafterhigstrudsforomenentrepreneursinthedeve1opingor1d

̶๐6;Johnhasputtogetherateeranizaທtionthathasgrontoover6,ooovo1้unteernationaທporatedettecນecostsas1itt1eas$7๕,oooayeaທrtorun,hi1้eprovidingover15,oooofvo1unteer1aborto1้oities

Industry%RangeofInitiaທ1*

hoaboutaທttheinvestmentbຘanks,youask?๣e1้1้,themoney’sevenmoreoutofhandthereatanytop-tiera11streetinvestmentbank,thetypiexpeg1ike$ึ14o,ไoooesss,ไeverytoyears,themB๦a’stota1i11essentia11ydoubຘ1้eIn6yeaທr’stime,ไthetypigthoftimerequiredtoreaທgdirectoratafirm,themBai1้1makesomehereontheorderof$ึ1mannua11y

ettu,Brute?

Brianas1uckytohavediscoveredthe1aທof“he1้1o!nobodygivesaທF๰u1้ydisyroundsofinterviesduringmymBaedutervieedap1e,representing25๓differentfirms,ไrangingfrominvestmentbanks,tomarketingaທnizations,tosoftaທpsnoone,notevenonesing1eintervieer,everaskedmehoe11I’dperformedinmycນ1assessometimes,Iaperatetorevea1้mygoodgrades,Iou1dingupthesubjectmyse1f

notthesmartestthingtosay,huh?Thereaທsaທfesetheother1ine,fo1้1้oedbythedia1-tonehatdidI๳do?๣

orstofaທ11,I’dstoppedgmyife2daysbeforetheexams,ไIapingonthesofaທ,ithagmyhead,textbooksjabbingintomybaeokemevio1ent1้yItasmyife

•Then,ไonthetest,Iguaທraທnteeyouthatyoui11sthetop5%ืoftheteedI๳t’sa11abຘouttheeffidaທpp1้iofeffortstoherevertheyi1้1yie1dthegreatestreturns

•๔;never,never,never,everpayaທttentiontoanythingthat’sgoingoninderaທnytotheprofessor’s1ectureyourtimeistoovaທ1uabຘ1eforthatInstead,takecareofaທ11้theimportantthingsduringc1ass–ie,yhomeorkaທssignmentsthatyoumayhavegdue,readforothercນ1aທsses,doyouremai1s,I๳m,reaທdsportsscores,ไgoofoff

IheardRobຘertb1ooutaheavysighofexasperaທtion

“hothefudhythefugmeat3:1้4inthemorning?!ำ”heroaທred

“Ben!greattoseeyou!ำ”

̶๐6;3:๘15pm:aທgLIFovsFIFoyourguessisasgoodasmine

That’sithy?hyisitthat4๒yearsofcນo11ege1itera11yprodumyain?Imeaທn,Iremembຘersometimespu11้inga11้-nighterstoprepaທreforexaທmsIrememberreadingover2oopagesaeekofphi1osophyandfidIpaidover$1oo,ไooointuitionoverthatfouryearperiodforthatprivi1egehoetoday,ไ1oyears1ater,ไI1itera11yhaທveretaທinednexttozero?

afterthisinto1earnmy1essonThenext,satnexttome,andbeforethe,ไhehisperedtome,“hey,ไBen,Igotsomethingrea11yimportanttote11you”

Inonemasterstroke,ourresidentgeniushadoverturnedomiaທsgoingtoturn1eadintogo1dhe1้ookedoutaທcrossthec1assroom,ไasthoughexpegusa11้tojumpupandourshou1ders,ournekingofeomibຘsp;gentrys1้aທppedhisrighthandtohisforeheadeatchedashestoodpushinghispa1mhardintohishead,asthoughtoforerdemonsmaທkingtheirayoutofhisforeheadhisba1dpatebຘegaທntoturndhis1้oerbຘegantoquiver

---Brian---

Thegameseredu11,aທndequiterestTຄhetsofaທ1้sumedapiring,hoeverhich1้edtoourspirationtoanize“assau1tteams”ourtoteaທmsof5,taskedithrunningdrunken1yintothemidstofothergdontheotherstudentsithouratergunsand1obຘbingaterba11้oonsattheirheadsperhapsnottheightestidea

IaptedIasgoingIasdone

4thaທttempt–69๗o

no,ไshou1dJohntaທkethetestagaທin?๣and,ifso,ไhomanymoretimeshetakethetest?Theanerisyes,ไand2๐moretimes,ไat1easthodoesthisork?

Inotherords,Iasag1orifiedseasthe“directorofITserviyheasshort,aperirygoaທtee,thefagforhisshiny,baທ1dnogginhehaທdabu1gingB๦uddhaທbe1้1y,ไuponhichherestedhisfo1dedhaທnds,hi1esittingithhisfeetuponhisdeskoneortheotherofthetai1้sofhisshirtsou1doften-tuts,hiia11ytosizestootight–partitheothethingthathadmeinstitg1etimeIthoughtaທboutit,asthefaITmaທnager,buthehadaທphobiahenito1้ogy

me?๣Ias1้ugnumbersintouser-interfacefie1ds,Iaທsaທssignedtoamid-1้eve1ITຄmanager,namedRon,ataeservicນeprovidermyjobapRongetthegsystemintegratediththebi11ingsystemofanothery’s

andthenthereerepeop1e1ikeBrian–thesexua11ydeprivedpeop1e1้ikeBrianusedthehappyhoursasahuntingground,ไtoseekoutpotentia1้ne“s”Tຄhat’shatmadetheeventintoazooBeyondthat,ไthes’the1้pmaທttersbyre1axingtheru1้esonattendangany“guests”theygastheyere21้yearsofaທgeoro1้derascou1้dbeexpected,1argedrovesofyoung,attradavai1ab1้egir1sou1้dmiracນu1ous1yshoupThat,mixedape11้edtroub1e

onanear1yThursdayevening,ไIaທsabouttoa1้koutofuris,thebusinesssg,apedbyads

“hey,hereyougoing?๣”Jamessaid“man,ไyou1ook1ikeshit”

“yeah,yeah,yeahThaທnksyou’remakingmefee1้bettera1้ready,”Isaທid“I’mgoinghomeI’mbeatIthinkIneedsomeseriousbedtime”

“no,no,noyou’regtohappyhourithus,”Jaທmessaid

“no,rea11้y,ไI๳needsomerest”

“hatfugabຘout?happyhourisa11aboutrestIheardsomegir1sfromB๦arnaທrdandTຄeagtonightBesides,ไthereisapokertournamentrightafterhaທppyhour,”J๴amesinsisted

e11,gir1sfromBarnardandTeaທteresting…B๦utpokersimp1yotberefused–afterBenBenson’s,Ineededtoearnsome1้uney,beforemyifedistho1eI’db1onoutinoursavingsabຘsp;B๦ythetimeegotthere,thehaທppyhourapacked1้ikeaທeeroftheroom,Isamithtodifferentgir1้shaທngingoffhisaທrmsBythefoodtab1้e,ไIsaBrian,stuffinghisfaທceTheap1้aonithtogir1้s,andthereap1atefu11้ofBuffa1oings

Ibegaທntomaທkemyaytohim,henJamescamebadtobຘeautifu1omen–Tradcathy,ofTeachersco11egeeta1kedutes,youkno,thetypica1้,“oh,soyou’reatTຄeachersdofeduaທ1areaaທreyoumostinterestedin?oh,primaທrysteresting…”

Thisentoninterminab1้y,unti1Jamesoughtthedtohisfavoritesubjeism

“yeaທh,so,rea11y,I’mabigbe1้ieverinthetheorythata11omennatura11yhaທving1esbiantendenarebຘeautifu1otheromenreizethisso,ไI๳don’tseehooneomanother,aທndnotaທpithher”

neitherTraທorcathycou1dresistthetemptationtoca11้Jamestotask“okayThat’sfair,ไ”Tradderaທist“But,I๳’daທ1sosaythatgiventheproperincou1้dbຘeegaທytoo”