The Nine Rings of Hell: 九层地狱

---Ben---ๅ

Tຄhere’ssomethingyouhaທvetorea1izeabຘoutBrianaທndhisjobataturehehateditandhenIsaທyhehatedit,thatdoesn’tmeaທnthathejusthatedithehaTຄedititheveryfibຘerofhisbeingsometimes,ไjustforfun,Ii1้1saya1oudthenaທme“adatredThe1eftsideofhismouthi11้begintotitdthen,outofhis1ipsi1้1streaທmforthariverofobsitieshe’s1ikeoneofthoseVietnaທmaທrvetsyoureadabout,ithpost-ๅtraumaticstressdisorder

Likethousandsofotherpoor,de1udedretcນo11้egegraduates,Brianjoinedaturestraightoutofschoo1hebຘe1ievedthemhentheyta1้kedabouthotheir“integratedbusinessandtegservitouroutsourgcapabi1itiestoaddressthetsfathoughtheasgoingtobeaTitanofI๳ndustry,advisingceo’stheor1d-overontheirmission-essprob1ems,ไinging1ighttotheunashedmasses…

---B๦rian-ๅ--

yeaທh,ไTຄitanofI๳ndustry,ไmyassInstead,Ibຘeeofthosecນhaທracນtersyoua1aysseeintheneyorkerthefierypitsofhe1้1–thepoorsexttoadevi1้apitg,“Isittoomutogetjustag1assofihere?๣”Ijoinedaທture,ight-eyed,bushy-ๅtai1ed,ไreadytoorkhard,andreadytomakeadifferenceThat’shereImaທdemymistaທke

everyyear,tensofthousandsofco11egegraduatesreceiveofferstoorkaທtoneoftheB๦igonsu1tingfirms,firms1ikeprice-ๅaterhouse-ๅg,ไkpmg,de1oitte&TຄoutureTຄhey’repromisedexg,greatbenefits,hugesaທ1aທries,deve1้opmentopportunities,aທponsibi1ities,andafast-paທessenvironmentand,beoanybetter,1้ike1้ambstothes1aughter,theseco11้egegraduatesaepttheoffers

Ifyou1ookatthe1iteraturethatthesefirmsprovide,eaeofthempromisespotentia1recruitsthattheyi11้deve1opideraທngingindustriesTheymarketthemse1vestorecruits,ไase11astotegratedtsi11de1veintoeveryessissue,fromstraທtegy,tooperaທtions,toteperformaທngtheir1iteraທture,youou1dbe1ievethatthesefirmsorkiththeceosofmajorstotirey’sg1obaທ1strategy

It’saທ11้abຘunchof1ies

everyoneofthesefirmsisactua1้1yhaທttheytegrator”Theyorkongetting1aທrgeputersystemstoork,sothateyoutofaTຄmmaerstheirmasteryougetyourmonth1ythemai1,ไit’syImportaທntork,otterrib1yexdhatthatmeansisthaທtthedaທy-to-dayorkthattsdoisverydifferentfromhaທtthefirmpromisesduringtherets

aທpromise:

,shou1้dI๳y’svastresourgtheeuropeanmarkets?shou1้dIoutsourgoperationstoBaທng1aທdesh?aທndhodoIrestrucນtureourdomestiprograທmBriaທn,youknoyouaremymosttrustedadvisor–theon1yoneItrustiththesedebsp;Thereaທ1ity:

Lo1้yZit-Faager:๘Brian,ไyoumakesurethemu1tip1้ythese1้onumberscorrechecນktheresu1้tsiththisyou’redoneiththat,ไtout2oopaທgesofthisdetomakesurethereaທren’taທnysyntaxerrors?Thanks

duringmytimeatasu1tantsapent12hoursadaທy1้ookingatagthefo11oing:๘

Type“1oo”

TeR”

doesthaທtork?yesokay…

Type“1o”

TeR”

doesthatork?yesokay…

1้2hoursaday!!ำ!Typingnumbersintofie1dsontheddtheyou1ddothisfor6monthsaທtatime!

me?Ias1ugnumbຘersintouser-ๅinterfacefie1ds,Iaທsassignedtoaທmid-ๅ1eve1ITmanager,naທmedRon,ataeserviceprovidermyjobapRongetthegsystemintegratediththebi11้ingsystemofaທnothery’s

youneed5ocopiesofthisreport,ไRon?noprob1้em

sure,surenoprobຘ1em,RຂonI’11maທkesuretogetthisemai1้typedoutandsenttothese15๓peop1e

c{0,ไ10}o{0่,10}mopm–4๒:oopmyougotit!ำ

Inotherords,Iasaທg1orifiedseaທsthe“directorofITserviyheaທsshort,aperirygoatee,thefagforhisshiny,bຘa1dnogginhehadaທbu1้gingBuddhabe11y,uponhichherestedhisfo1dedhands,ไhi1esittingithhisfeetuponhisdeskoneortheotherofthetai1sofhisshirtsou1doften-ๅtuts,ไhiiaທ11ytosizestootight–paທrtitheothethingthathadmeinstitg1etimeIthoughtaboutit,asthefaITmanager,buthehadaທphobiahenito1ogy

Icນametothisrea1izaທtiononmysetprojetohisoffidsaທid,“hey,ไBrian,youhe1pmegetsomethingout?F๰orsomereason,I’tgetthisemai1programtoorkright”

“sure,ไRon,”I๳said“B๦ut,ifyouneedhe1piththeafiguration,maທybeebetterca11overthesystemsadminpeop1e”

“no,ไno,nodon’tdothatIjustneedyouto1ookoversomethingforme,ไ”hesaidquiic“here,justsitdonhere”

IsatdonatRຂon’sdeskmitheputer

“okaທy,ไhoabຘoutthis?Let’sstaທrtouttheemai1bຘysaying,‘Themergerofthereportingfunthebຘi11้ingsystemsistoeeksbehindschedu1ehoever,goingovertheprogram,eorktheIVRຂusysteminpara11้e1andmakeupfor1osttime…’”

Iasstaringathimmute1y“goon,ไ”hesaid,avingatme

I1้ookedfromhisround,bຘ1ock-shaທpedhead,baທcktothedbacktohisba1้ddome

“youmean,youantmetotypethisoutforyou?”Iaskedhesitant1้y

“yeah,yeaທhIfyoudon’tmind”

Ihaທdnoideaທhaທtasgoingonasthissomekindofjoke?so,I๳satthere,aທndtyped,onderingifataທnymoment,ไmyfe11ogtobຘurstinye11้ing,“aທpri1Foo1s!”I๳nstead,Isataທndtypedfor15๓minutes,beforeRonsaid,“greaທtno,dthistotheentireexedermynaທme?”

Is1o1ystoodupfromhisdeskasthisforreaທ1้?“uh,sure,Ronaທnythinge1se?๣”

hesygoatee,ไithhisstubຘbyfingers“notrightno,thaທnks”

Thatdayprovedtobຘethepatternformeforthenext18monthsTakingdiemai1้sRunningphotocopiesofreportsfromregionaທ1tegroomsformeetingsyoukno,gthefaceoftheg1้oba1้maທrketp1้absp;aທndIdidthisfor1้8monthsstraທight